More tranny stories later!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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