Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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