I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish i was in the wii world.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
