I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize