Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
