Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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