Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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