He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
