making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
