In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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