If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
