My boss' voice literally gives me gas
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
