what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
