I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
