I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
