So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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