Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I party with great urgency now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
