how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
