I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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