I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drake has all the answers
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize