Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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