Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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