It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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