Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
