There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
