This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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