Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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