just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
