I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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