im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
