Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
