It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
