I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
