It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
