If i come over, it means nothing
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
