too bad you live with your parents still
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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