So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
