6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
