I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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