Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
