pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
