i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
