did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
