i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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