Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
