no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
