just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
