My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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