He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just google imaged poop.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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