I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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