Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
