btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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