at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
