he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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