I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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