I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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