12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
