i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
