All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
