Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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