I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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