I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
