dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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