Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
