omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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