Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
