He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize